David's Blind Date(s)
by angel13
Summary: **NEW CHAPTER** Does David EVER get the girl? Well yeah, he gets 6. And they're all nuts. Insanity and chaos. muahahaha. =D
1. And so we begin...

*author's note*-heh heh....I love tormenting these poor guys!*  
  
David climbed up the fire escape and through the window. He sighed dejectedly as he slumped his way into the kitchen.  
  
"David, what's wrong?" Sarah asked, setting aside her needlepoint.  
  
"Nothin'..." David grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and slowly headed for a chair at the table.  
  
"You don't fool me." Sarah sat beside him, "Come on, spill it."  
  
David rolled his eyes. She could be such a pain in the--  
  
"Fine. It's just.....everyone has girlfriends and I'm the only one who doesn't. I feel like such a reject sometimes."  
  
Sarah sympathized automatically, "I know what it feels like to be a reject. Whoops, I mean--" Sarah quickly tried to fix her slip, "How would you like it if I set you up with my friend Olga?"  
  
"You mean....a blind date?" David looked skeptical "Um...I don't know about that Sarah..."  
  
"Oh come on, you'll love her! And it's totally no pressure. Just go out and have some fun, no strings attached."  
  
"Oh alright..."  
"Go get ready then. I'll go call her right now."  
  
Sarah jumped from her seat and went to the telephone.  
  
David shook his head, and went to his room to change out of the ink stained clothing and wash up. 


	2. Olga

The doorbell rang. David sighed nervously as Sarah jumped up to get it.  
  
"Olga?" She squinted through the peephole.  
  
"It be Olga!" A heavy German accent came from the hall.  
  
"Okay. Hold on." Sarah fumbled with the lock. "Oh darnit. I hate these things..."  
  
"No fear!! Olga is here! Stand back, my little friend!' Sarah moved away from the door, afraid of what might happen if she didn't.  
  
A low growl was heard on the other side of the door. Then, with a crash, the door came down....Olga, had knocked it down by ramming her head into it.  
  
Olga was about 6'3, with her hair in two blonde, messy braids. Her hand-me-down dress was a dark plaid, but 4 strips of different rags sewed to the bottom of the hem showed that the former owner had been much, much shorter.  
  
"Olga, this is my brother David.David--Olga." Sarah motioned for David to stand up. He did, and reached out to shake Olga's hand. She picked him up in a giant hug.  
"Hello David!! I be Olga!!"  
"Can't---breathe!" David gasped to Sarah.  
"Get used to it." Sarah muttered.   
  
Olga put him down and smiled. David noticed more than a few teeth were missing.  
  
"Okay, let's go then." David motioned to the door. Olga grabbed his hand and made a run for it....trailing David behind...  
***  
"So, uh, Olga, what do you like to do for fun?" David asked as they walked down Duane street.  
"I am the 5 time world reigning champion for lifting."  
"Oh." David nodded, "Lifting what?"  
Olga shrugged, "Elephants."  
  
David blinked hard, "Elephant lifter huh? Memo to me: Never trust Sarah again." He thought silently.   
  
"Where are we going?" David realized they were nearing the Boarding House  
  
"Oh, just a place to work out a little. You like to work out, yes?" Olga raised an eyebrow. Well actually, she only HAD one eyebrow so she raised half of her unibrow as best she could.  
  
"Uh...sure, I guess."  
***  
"haHA! I win again!!" Olga set down the 300 pound weight she had been benchpressing. "Care to try for best out of 10, my feeble little friend?"  
  
David shook his head furiously. "No no. That's perfectly fine." He said quickly, "You win. What next?" He stood up, brushing himself off. Aaah....his back killed.  
  
"Javelin throwing!!" Olga shook the room as she ran towards the space reserved for javelins. A small wooden rack held different colors and lengths of javelins.  
  
"Hmmmm." Olga thought about which one she wanted for a while. Just as she was about to pick one up, a huge crowd of people pushed in front of her. When the dust cleared, all the javelins were gone.  
  
" *Cough* Geez, that's too bad Olga, " David waved the dust away from his face "Guess we'll just have to turn around and go--"  
  
"DONT SAY HOME!! Olga has never given up a challenge! If I have no javelins, I shall use....hmmm..." Olga turned and slowly glanced at David. An evil grin formed over her face.  
  
"Olga? Olga, don't look at me like that! HELP! MOMMY! JACK! ANYBODY!" Olga picked David up and as he sailed through the air over Manhattan, his screams could be heard all over.  
  
"Holy Pagodas!!! Holy Irish Fisherman!! Caroline!!!" (A/N--Hey, I'm the author. If I want Dave to randomly scream my name while soaring above Manhattan in a way God never intended for him to, I can. Just cuz. :P )  
  
He, coincidently, landed on a mattress on the roof of his tenement building.   
  
"Oh God...I'm dead. This must be Heaven..." David whispered as the sunlight streamed into his eyes. Then a brunette girl named Sarah leaned over him.  
  
" I see you went javelin throwing." Her face with its blank brown eyes came into focus.  
  
David sighed. "Well if you're here, this can't be Heaven. It's DEFINITELY the *other* place."  
  
Sarah pouted, "Shut up. So, how was your date?"  
  
David sat up, "Does the fact that I came home via airmail give you a clue?" He rolled his eyes at her.   
  
"Saw-REE! Dont get such an attitude. That's the last time I help *you*" Sarah  



	3. Deanie

hey hey hey--thanx for reading. Just so ya know-I don't have anything against Sarah, but its painfully easy to make fun of her. So there you are.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"David?"  
  
David didnt answer as he read a book that night. ("How To Get Girls To Chase You ~Not Creepy Ace War Correspondents *or* Sleazy Refuge Wardens~ When You Sing and Dance, All While Selling Newspapers")(now available in a paperback edition)  
  
"David? Where are you?" He just rolled his eyes and remained silent.  
  
Doors could be heard opening and slamming and footsteps constantly.  
  
"Les, have you seen David? Where could he be?" Sarah's voice could be heard again.  
  
"Sarah, we live in a 4 room tenement building!' David stood up and yelled, "How hard could it possibly be to find me!?"  
  
Sarah climbed in through the window from the fire escape, dirty and grimy, "More difficult than you'll *ever* know." She said dramatically.  
  
Les made a few false coughs that sounded oddly like "Blonde!"  
  
"Look David, I know that Olga didn't exactly turn out to be--"  
  
"Normal? HUMAN!?" David cut her off.  
  
"Date material." Sarah continued, "But I want to make it up to you."  
  
David crossed his arms and gave her the infamous "Spot smirk". Or at least made a pitiful attempt.  
  
"How?"  
  
"Bysettingyouupwithsomeoneelse." Sarah said really fast, closing her eyes, hoping David wouldn't maim her.  
  
"If you just said what I think you just said, the answer is no!" David headed for the door.  
  
"But she's a SINGER!!" Sarah used it as bait.  
  
David stopped. "Singer?" He turned and smiled dreamily, "David likes singers!"  
  
Sarah grinned, "I know 'David' does. Go get ready. She'll be here in 1/2 an hour."  
  
***  
There was no knock at the door this time. A faint strumming on a guitar could be heard.  
  
"OH! That must be Deanie!!!' Sarah leaped towards the door and opened it.  
  
A girl, complete with love beads, long flowing skirts, granny glasses and feather earrings stepped inside. Her jet black hair reached her waist, the ends dyed a flaming red. (A/N-- yeah yeah I know there were no hippies back then. Deal)  
  
"Uh...hi Deanie." David stood up, and offered his hand shyly. He wasn't used to *this* kind of girl..  
  
"I prefer to be called 'Rainbow of Love and Understanding.' It helps me to feel one with nature." Deanie closed her eyes, clutching her heart.  
  
David glared at Sarah, mouthing the words "You are dead."  
  
"Give me your hand." She calmly turned to David, "I must see if your karma is in tune with mine." David slowly turned his palm upward. Deanie grasped his hand. She first sniffed it, then suddenly pressed it to her ear, eyes closed.   
  
"A dia landa mada..." Deanie chanted nonsense words under her breath, then started getting louder and louder. "Hakuna matata! WHO PUT THE RAM IN THE RAM-A-LAM-A-DING-DONG!?!?!"  
  
  
"Okay Deanie that's enough." Sarah said quickly, ripping David's hand from the girl's face.  
  
"So, um, shall we go?" David gestured towards the door. *THIS* date was sure to be interesting...  
  
***  
"All you need is love, love. Love is all you need..."  
  
David adjusted his red leather fringe vest. And glasses. Yes, Deanie, or 'Rainbow' for short, had roped him in to the full hippie regalia. Deanie and her friends gathered at this dark club to sing, meditate and discuss how to overthrow the mayor.  
  
"Why do I have to wear these outlandish hippie clothes? My mama always says not to wear anything too outlandish unless you have the prozac to back it up." David whined.  
  
"You must fit in. And dont call us hippies. We prefer....'disaffected youth.'" Rainbow sighed happily.  
  
"Right...." David thought.  
  
"We shall call you....'Earthworm Who Digs Deep For Truth and Strength'...Earthworm for short."  
  
"Yesterday I was David Joshua Jacobs, newsboy. Today, I'm Earthworm Truth Strength, disaffected youth."  
David said aloud.  
  
Rainbow/Deanie smiled, "Isn't it great?"  
  
***  
"Earthworm, how do you feel on the matter?"  
  
"I, uh...well..."  
  
"Earthworm clearly feels that--" Another hippie spoke up, cutting David/Earthworm off.  
  
"How can I clearly feel, hear, see or think anything with all this smoke?" David thought silently. The disaffected youth smoked cigarettes. A lot of them.   
  
"What do you think, Earthworm?"  
  
"Earthworm, are you listening?"  
  
"Earthworm!!"  
  
Hundred of voices seemed to surround David.  
  
"NO!!!! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! FOR THE LOVE OF RUBBER DUCKIES, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!" David ran for the door.   
  
"Earthworm, get the hell back here!!" Deanie shouted, then turning back to the rest, "Sick 'em beatniks!!" And with a mighty roar, the whole disaffected youth stood up, guitars, cigarettes and all and chased David down the street in a chaotic rampage.  
  
"AHHHHH! HELP! MOMMY! ANYONE! CAROLINE!" David randomly screamed the author's name while being chased by angry hippies through Manhattan. "JAAAAACK!"  
  
"WHAT!?"   
  
David stopped short. Jack had been in the middle of kissing Sarah, "What the heck do you want? I'm busy."  
  
Out of breath, David panted, hiding behind Horace Greeley's statue. "Angry....hippies....ARE CHASING ME!!"  
  
Sarah and Jack looked around then gave David an odd look.  
  
"Oh God David! Did you smoke anything Deanie gave you!?" Sarah looked scared.  
  
Her brother rolled his eyes, "Hell no. They were chasing me and calling me 'Earthworm."  
  
Jack glanced warily between David and Sarah, then pulled out a quarter.   
  
"Here Dave...go buy yourself a really strong drink." He gestured towards Tibby's  
  
"Oh thanks." David said sarcastically, then headed for the restaurant.  
***  
  
"Hey Dave, sharp threads!!"  
  
"Spiffy coat Davey!"  
  
David rolled his eyes and continued towards a table, ignoring the catcalls.  
  
He sat down, and after briefly looking at the menu, tossed it aside. Blink and Race took a seat beside him.  
  
"So, Dave, I see you've been busy today...what exactly happened to ya?" Race asked.  
  
David sighed, "Hippies happened to me."  
  
"Ah," Race looked thoughtful for a moment, "Well, hippies happen."  
  
"How did you manage to get chased by a mob of angry hippies?" Blink gave him a look with his one eye.  
  
"I was on a blind date and it just didn't work out." David sighed again.  
  
"Well, uh.....would you wanna go on another blind date?" Race set his cigar in the ashtray, then looked up at David.  
  
"Another one?" David looked apprehensive.  
  
"Yeah, because Blink and I know this girl--" (Blink gave Race a look as if to say "What are you talking about!?") "You know, Betsy. Remember Betsy, Blink?"  
  
"Oh!" Blink snorted, "Betsy. Oh yeah...you'll love her." Blink tried to muffle a laugh. Race stepped on his foot. "OW!"  
  
"Betsy's a real nice girl. She really fits the term 'blind date.' No personal quirks or anything strange about her personality. You'll get along just great!" Race stood up, "So, she'll be here at Tibby's tonight at 6 sitting at...." Race looked around, then pointed to the table smack dab in the middle of the restaurant. "That table. Well, have fun tonight. Blink and I will go tell Betsy all about you." And with that, Race and Blink raced for the door. 


	4. Betsy

David looked around Tibby's nervously. Blink and Race had promised him that Betsy was neither a hippie nor an elephant lifter.  
  
"She's a blonde and she'll have a brown dress on, right Blink?"  
  
"Oh yeah, the last time I checked her dress was still kind of a muddy brown..." David recalled his friend's words. They were getting stranger all the time.  
  
"David! Hey!" Race jumped up from his seat at a table, "Okay, you ready to meet Betsy?"  
  
"Yeah sure....uh...bring it on."  
  
Race raised an eyebrow, "Riiiight..." He shrugged and pointed to a booth across the room, where a blonde girl in a dress the color of mud stared vacantly out the window. "Well, I'm eatin' with Blink, Mush and some of the hippies--"  
  
"Disaffected youth!!" Someone called from across the restaurant.  
  
"Right. What 'Skunk Spraying Nobility' said. Enjoy your date." Just as quickly as he came, Race was back at the table with his friends, and the disaffected youth.  
  
David took a deep breath and took a few steps towards the table. He stopped, looking nervously back towards Race and the others. They stifled some laughter and urged him on.  
  
"Hi, Betsy? I'm David." He said awkwardly, a few feet from the table. She ignored him, and continued to gaze out the window.  
  
He sat down across from her. "So, how do you know Blink and Race?" Betsy still ignored him.  
  
David looked over at Racetrack and the rest of them. They turned away sharply, as if they didnt want them to know they had been watching.  
  
Waving a hand in front of Betsy's eyes did nothing. David looked helplessly over at Blink, Race and the hippies who were now laughing openly.  
  
"You wanted a blind date! So you got one!" Blink called between hystercial laughter.  
  
David gave them a blank look.  
  
"She's blind!! And deaf and mute too!! AAHAHAHAHAA..." Race called.  
  
The moment of realization. He looked back at Betsy.   
  
"Memo to self: Never trust Blink or Race EVER again." He muttered softly.  
  
So there our poor hero sat with a girl who couldnt see, hear or speak. Minutes turned into hours until it was practically closing time. All the other newsies left and soon it was just David, Betsy and Tibby.  
  
A haughty older woman came by, claiming to be from Flickglod's Academy for Uncurably Insane and Detrimental Mutant Barbarians And Also Deaf, Blind and Mute Teenage Girls. (F'sUIDMBADBMTG Academy for short) She tapped Betsy on the shoulder 6 times, once with each finger on her right hand. Betsy immidietly stood up and left, letting this 11 fingered woman guide her. David threw down the bouquet of flowers he had planned to give Betsy, and set his head down on the table.  
  
"My life bites." He stated to no one in particular.  
  
"That it does, my friend." Jack said, sliding in across from him. David lifted his head slightly, to see who it was.  
  
"What do you want?" David muttered, laying his head on the table again.  
  
"Question is--what do *you* want?" Jack asked.  
  
"Ummm," David sat up and pondered this one for a second, "A drink so powerful that it'll knock me into next week."  
  
"Sorry, we're fresh out of those." Tibby piped up as he dried some glasses, "But our sauerkraut will do a number on ya..."   
  
Jack rolled his eyes "Hell no! I mean, do you want another date?"  
  
David looked up, petrified. "No....please no..." He begged, "Dont set me up, I'll do anything....I'll.....I'll dress up in drag and do the hula in Horace Greeley Square..."  
  
"Sorry Dave, but Denton's already signed up for that on kareoke night--"  
  
"Whatever...just...no more dates."  
  
"Aw come on--she's wordly--from another country!" Jack enticed.  
  
"Yeah yeah," David rolled his eyes, "You'll set me up with some immigrant who can't even speak english and I'll have to walk around with this little foreign harpie chirping in my ear all night in a language I cant even understand and have NO DESIRE TO!!" He said this all in one breath. By this time-- David was standing on top of the table, shouting.  
  
"David, okay whatever just be at Horace Greeley square tommorow at 6. She'll be all in pink and sing the 2nd to last song on kareoke night, okay?"  
  
"Fine! And now, for the love of burritos, I'M GOING HOME!!" With that, David marched out the door.  
  
Jack chuckled to himself. This was gonna goooood.   
  
"Hey Tibby, got any burritos?" Jack called to the kitchen.  
  
"No, but we got plenty a' sauerkraut!!" 


	5. Mystery Kareoke Girl

David entered Horace Greeley Square at 6:00 on the dot the next night. Kareoke night was in full swing, the newsies from Manhattan and Brooklyn getting rowdy and wild as usual. They were literally everywhere. A small platform surrounding the statue had been made from miscellaneous bits of material the newsies had probably "borrowed." David narrowed his eyes. Pieces of the Brooklyn bridge were in there.....and something that looked oddly like a crutch.... He stood towards the back and watched everyone.  
  
"Gentlemen and.......Caroline!" Jack took the microphone, addresing the audience of newsies and the author, for some random reason. "I'd like to welcome you all to kareoke night! The judges tonight will be myself, Jack Kelly... the ever-TRUSTWORTHY and FAIR," [here Jack gave someone the evil eye] "Racetrack Higgins, who HAD BETTER NOT pick whoever has the best legs this week." [booing ensued]  
["Gimme a break!! SHADDUP ALL A' YA'S!"]  
"And, of course, the wise David Jacobs!!" Jack shouted. He searched through the cheering crowd (save for Racetrack, who pouted in the front row) looking for David.  
David tried to make a run for it, but Spot stepped in front of him.  
"C'mon ya em-bastard, get up there or I'll soak ya." He said menacingly. "And last time I soaked a guy, ya know what he begged for?" Spot glared evilly.  
"Ummm....m-mercy, Mr. Spot, Sir?" David cowered.  
"Wrong." Spot whispered, "He begged for....."  
"YES?" David squeaked, preparing for pain.  
"He begged for...........Soap." Spot smiled brightly, "Get it? He begged for soap! For a bath!!" Spot laughed. "Woo boy, I crack meself up. I'm doing stand up comedy tonight!"  
"Ah.....ha. I get it! Good one Spot!" David laughed weakly.  
"What was that?" Spot glared again.  
"Oh I mean--Mr. Spot," David said, then added quickly, "Sir."  
Spot smiled, then gave him the typical tough glare again, and walked off.  
  
"C'mere Davey. We can't begin till you'se gets over here." Jack said very boredly.  
"Oh...right." David walked slowly towards the platform.  
'Another note--" Jack added, "SOME of us complained that they cant sing and their voices crack," [everyone looked at Mush as he told Blink about this girl he met last night] "So kareoke night has been opened up to anyone who wants to perform and not necessarily sing. With that said--" Jack took out a scrap of paper, "Let's have a warm round of applause for our first contestant, Crutchy!!" He took a seat next to David.  
  
"You ready for the big date tonight?" Jack leaned over and whispered to David.   
"Um yeah, I guess. What are we going to do after this..." David gestured to the audience and stage, "this whole thing?"  
"Well...she wants to take you back to her place." Jack smirked.  
"WHAT!?" David yelled. Crutchy stopped and the crowd stared at them.  
"Oh, um...sorry Crutch. Continue." David called.  
"C'mon Dave, you need to get laid sometime." Jack whispered through his teeth, waving sheepishly at the horde of gawking newsies.  
"I'm not just going to go....do it with some girl I hardly know. It has to be special..." David looked away, then added softly, "I have to love her."  
"Oh, um, alright, whatever, just go out for coffee then." Jack shrugged, then turned back to watch Crutchy.   
  
David shook his head. He then realized that Jack didn't really care about what girl he had. He'd take any girl just as long as he could make out with her every night. He'd date anything.  
  
....Well, Jack *was* dating Sarah after all.  
  
David was immersed in thought until he had Jack's voice.   
  
"Lets hear for Crutchy's interpretive clog dancing!" The audience applauded.  
"How 'bout an encore!?" Crutchy yelled, exhilerated by the applause.  
"Um Crutch we dont really have time--" Jack began but was cut off as the piano started playing again.   
  
David watched Crutchy hop around the stage on one foot.  
  
Where was his cru---ohhhhhhh, never mind.  
  
  
***LATER ON THAT NIGHT***  
"And now we'll take a short intermission." Jack announced.  
The newsies all stood up to go buy some refreshments at Tibby's before the show started up again.  
David sat at the judge's table, going over his notes on each of the contestants.  
  
"Crutchy--interpretive clog dancing routine--um, interesting.  
Spot--Spot's 'funny' jokes--not funny  
Snipeshooter--smoking 25 Havana Cigars all at once--not impressive in the least  
Bumlets--speaking actual words-- incredibly talented."  
  
"Hi there Davey..." A flirtatious voice said coyly. David looked up. It was Denton.  
"Hey Denton." David muttered, looking back down at his notes.  
"How are you?" Denton touched his shoulder.  
"Fine..."  
"....Well...I hope you like my hula tonight." Denton giggled, then added in a low voice, "I've been practicing all week just for you, baby."  
"Oh yeah, that reminds me Denton. I have been meaning to ask you something." David looked up earnestly.  
"Yes?" Denton asked, breathless with anticipation.  
"Have you seen Jack? I need to compare notes."  
  
Denton's face fell, "Oh um yeah he's at Tibby's buying a drink...and some saurekraut." He gestured to the restaurant.  
  
David smiled, standing up, "Thanks Denton. Good luck tonight!" He called over his shoulder.  
  
"Yeah sure! Thanks!" Denton faked a smile, then muttered under his breath, "Bitch. Sure, go ahead, break my heart." He turned and walked off, swinging his hips.  
  
"Hey Denton..." Ractrack looked up from his notes and grinned, "Nice legs..."  
~*~  
"And thank you Brian Denton--I mean, Brianna Denton--for that hula. Wasn't he--she--great, guys?" Jack ushered Denton offstage.  
  
"As a general note--the local boyband '31st Street Boys' have canceled to perform at some backstreet. So our final act will be '~^~' Davey's blind date tonight."  
The newsies looked around at each other.  
"~^~? I've never heard of this ~^~. Who the heck is Squiggly Line-Arrow thing-Squiggly line?" Racetrack asked.  
  
"As her name is made up of unprounounceable syllables, we will call her 'The Artist Formerly Known As Meadowlark."  
  
David cocked his head. That sort of sounded farmiliar.  
  
Suddenly in a vision of fluffy hot pink came.......MEDDA!?  
  
"I dedicate my song tonight to my Davey." Medda said, attempting a low seductive voice. She cleared her throat and started to sing, "I'm too sexy for this show, too sexy for Pulitzer, soooooo sexy!"  
  
By this time David was already running out of Horace Greeley square  
  
...Screaming his head off. 


	6. Natalie

Hey everyone! Enjoy this chapter. Will Dave finally meet that special girl? Will he FINALLY meet the girl of his dreams?!  
  
...yeah right...  
  
~*~Caroline~*~  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
David made a beeline straight for his apartment. He could hear people chasing after him, calling his name.  
  
"David, come back!" (Sarah)  
  
"Dave, what the hell?" (Jack)  
  
"I'll SOAK YA....AND THEN GIVE YA SOAP!" (Spot)  
  
nothing (Bumlets)  
  
"C'mon back now, sexy thang!" (Denton and Medda)  
  
"NO! NO!" He yelled as he dashed through the Manhattan streets, "FOR THE LOVE OF..." David suddenly realized he had run out of funky phrases. He stopped, pausing to think, "For the love of...all that is lime green? No, ummmm..."  
  
He then realized that his pursuers were catching up. A cow randomly crossed the street. David shrugged, then started running again.  
  
"FOR THE LOVE OF MOO-COWS, LET ME BE!!"  
  
David finally came to his tenement building. Frantically, he flung open the door, running up to the top floor.   
  
"YOU CAN'T TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIVE!" He screeched, jamming his key into the lock of the apartment. It took him a little while to realize he didn't actually have a key.   
  
Desperately, David started hurling his body against the door over and over, in a pitiful attempt to break it down.  
"Oh Mommy!" (shove) "Where are you?" (shove) "I NEED HELP!!" (shove, shove, shove)  
  
David could see his chasers, who had now acquired pitch-forks, torches, and angry-peasant expressions, at the bottom of the stairs. Only three staircases seperated David from dooooooooooom.  
  
"There he is!! Get him!" Sarah shouted, rallying the troops of newsies. "Sally forth!" She screamed like some twisted army commando. With a great roar, they charged forward. They raced up the stairs and even climbed on the bannisters.  
  
"EEE!" David squealed and moved back, getting ready to ram his head into the door. He ran, eyes closed, anticipating the pain of his head connecting with a door.  
  
But the pain didnt come.  
Not right away anyway.  
  
Les opened the door, and David ran right through-  
  
into the wall.  
  
"Shut the door!! For the love of history books, shut the damn door!" David screeched as he rubbed his head, which was now throbbing.  
  
Les shut the door. Good boy Les....  
  
"I'm guessin' the date didn't turn out too well...Hungry?" Les threw David an apple.  
"You would be correct." David sighed, then looked down at the apple, "Why did you throw me an apple? It's not going to help me!" David threw the apple at Les. It hit him in the head.  
"OW! What was that for?" Les threw a banana at him.  
"The fact that you're so STUPID!!" Pears appeared out of nowhere--David chucked them at his brother.   
  
"FRUIT (throws pear) DOESN'T (mango) SOLVE (kiwi) ANYTHING!!!" (peaches plums and a shower of cherries)  
  
"What did you say!?" Les looked apalled.  
"FRUIT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING!!!!" David yelled again.  
This is when Les picked up a pineapple and launched it straight for David's face.  
  
David lay on the floor, thinking, "Wow. That kid's got a ton of rotten fruit and poifect aim..."  
  
Then he blacked out.  
  
***HOURS AND HOURS LATER***  
  
"David? David, don't die! Oh my God, Ma will *KILL* me if he dies." Sarah shrieked, as she leaned over David's body, along with everybody else.  
  
Les smiled evilly, "With David dead and Ma killing Sarah...That would make me an only child..." He rubbed his hands together in evil glee.  
  
"Oh no oh no oh no!!!" Sarah shook her brother violently, "David! Carry the banner!! Don't check out!! Seize the day!! Don't bite the big one!! Be the King of New York!! DON'T GO TO THE CIRCULATION OFFICE IN THE SKY!!"  
  
"Will you *SHUT UP* already?" David pushed his sister away, gingerly touching the pineapple bruise on his head. Pain. It came sooner or later. He sat up, to find a large group of newsies and other friends in his home.  
  
"Hey baby, you okay?" Denton knelt beside David, taking his hand.  
"Get the hell away from my man, Denty." Medda took a menacing step towards them.  
Denton dropped David's hand and stood up to face Medda.   
  
"Catfight!" Racetrack yelled and immidietely started taking bets on the fight.  
  
"Look at you bitch, what's with all the pink?" Denton pushed Medda's shoulder.  
"I have style, which you obviously don't." Medda shoved right back.  
"'U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi. YOU ugly!! Yeah yeah, YOU UGLY!" Denton did a funky dance he thought looked sort of cool. He was wrong, though.  
"Bitch!" Medda ripped off Denton's hat and threw it out the window. She then stuck out her tongue with her hands on her hips.  
"Oh yeah?" Denton ran over and messed up her hair, sending all those little curly bangs askew. He also ripped the hot pink lace off her shoulders. "So there!"  
Medda threw a bitch slap that sent Denton back over the sofa and onto the floor.  
--applause--  
Denton, holding his cheek, slowly got up from the floor. "You know what Medda? At least I'm not 'white trash' like you....White Trash!!!! HMMPH!" With that he stormed out.  
  
David shook his head, "Unbelievable," He muttered. Then he passed out again.  
  
***THE NEXT MORNING***  
  
David sat on the sofa, reading yesterday's newspaper. It was a very nice day, the breeze was warm and the sun filtered into the apartment in golden streaks. The house was nice and quite too, as Les and Sarah had gone out to try and sell the fruit that had appeared in the apartment last night.   
  
Suddenly, the cell phone beside David rang. He didn't know how it got there, or even what it was, but he answered it just the same.  
  
"Uh, hello?"  
--low creepy breathing--  
"This is David who's calling please?"  
--more breathing--  
"For the love of Stephen Sondheim, who *IS* this?"  
"........I know what you did last summer....." A low eerie voice whispered.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" David screamed.  
".......You went on strike....."  
"I did! I know! I indirectly was responsible for the whole damn thing! And I--who is this?"   
"I'm watching you...." --creepy low breathing--  
David looked around his apartment, genuinely terrified. Somewhere in this house, the owner of the creepy voice lurked. He held his breath, suspecting doom at any moment. Then he saw a glimpse of pink suspenders through the window.  
David exhaled a sigh of relief, "Spot, I can see you on the fire escape."  
"Damn..." Spot's normal voice muttered. The pink suspenders disappeared.  
"And I know what you did last night..." --freaky voice is back--  
David rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I judged a kareoke night, was chased by angry newsies, punched out with a pineapple, was fought over and passed out. I had a grrrreat night." He said with much sarcasm.  
"How would you like to go on.....*another* date?"  
David rolled his eyes again and turned the phone off, waiting expectantly for Spot to come in. A few minutes passed. Exasperated, David turned on his phone, dialing the last number in the call log.   
  
"Spot, you're right outside the window, just come inside already!!"  
  
--silence--  
  
"Dude, this is getting old..."  
  
"Ease up Dave. Prank call people. Have a little fun. Geez." Spot came through the window, still talking into his cell phone and shaking his head. He sat beside David.  
  
"What do you-" David realized what he was doing, and turned off the phone, handing it back to Spot. "What do you want?"  
  
"Date this chick Natalie for me?" Spot asked, earnestly.  
  
"Date her...*for* you? What!?" David exclaimed.  
  
"Hey, its not my fault all of Brooklyn, New York City and, hell, even the world can't get enough of me.." Spot shrugged. "Goils can't keep their hands off me. Ever read fanfiction?" David shook his head. "Damn, I get all the action..." Spot smiled to himself. David still didnt know where he was going with this. He was clueless.  
  
But hey, what else is new?  
  
"So anyways ::ahem:: back to the point. I met this girl, Natalie. Just go out and entertain her for a little while." Spot asked. "Do it or I'll soak ya." He added menacingly.  
  
"Okay! I'll do it!" David jumped up and grabbed his coat, running for the door.  
  
"WAIT!" Spot jumped up and held out an envelope. "Meet her at Tibby's. Oh, and give her this letter. It tells her she's been waitlisted for dating me. If a spot opens up, she's in. But encourage her to re-apply next year." Spot grinned at David's confused face. "Hey, if I don't gots a system, how am I only gonna date the right chicks?"  
  
David grabbed the letter and ran down the stairs. Spot made himself comfortable on the sofa, devilishly eyeing the cell phones and thinking of all the pranks he could play.  
  
"SPOT! You get out of my house!" David called from the bottom of the stairs.  
  
Spot's face fell. Damn. For someone lacking so much common sense, David had a *great* 6th sense...  
  
***  
"Excuse me, I'm looking for a... Natalie Witherbumbly?" David asked Tibby.  
  
"Oh! Yah! Da lady eatin' my sauerkraut!" Tibby jiggled in excitement. He showed David over to a corner booth, where a pretty girl sat alone.  
  
...eating sauerkraut.  
  
"Hi, I'm David." David took his hat off, shortly nodding to the girl. She had silky brown hair with red highlights that was curled neatly upon her head. Her skin was olive, setting off her amond shaped green eyes. Natalie smiled sweetly, showing 2 rows of straight white teeth.  
  
David held his breath. *THIS* girl had been put on Spot's waiting list?  
"Whoa....The girls who actually get accepted into Spot's little black book most be godesses..if this one's only on the waiting list..."  
  
She stood up. "How nice to meet you David." Natalie said melodically, holding out a hand. David considered kissing it, but after a few awkward moments, shoved the letter in her hand.  
  
"Here, this is from Spot."  
Natalie sat down, opening and reading the letter. She looked pained all of a sudden.  
  
"Hey, it's okay. A ton of girls don't get in." David remembered what Spot told him, "You should re-apply next year." He added quickly.   
  
Natalie shook her head. "No its not that. He wrote this on paper." Natalie laughed, "He should have known that I have paperaphobia.." She tore the letter to bits and threw it out the window.  
  
David cocked his head. Paper-a-phobia? Fear or...paper? Riiiiiiight......  
  
"Would you like to order, Sir?" Wally the dancing waiter waltzed up to them.  
  
"Uh sure, I'll have meatloaf." David ordered.  
"Oh!" Natalie scanned the menu, "I"ll have the meatloaf also."  
Wally wrote it down on his pad and started to walk away.  
"Oh-Wally the Dancing Waiter?" Natalie called, "Yoohoo! Please make my meatloaf without meat?" Wally looked at Natalie, then at David. "What's with your chick?" Wally muttered. David only shrugged.  
  
Natalie looked back at David's confused face and smiled, "I'm a vegetarian!"  
  
"Um, ordering MEATloaf probably wasn't such a great idea then, Miss Natalie."  
  
"Oh, please, call me Supergirl!" She said cheerfully.  
  
David gave her a blank look, "Uh...okay?" Whoa, this girl is freeeeeaky....  
  
The date continued on, mostly in silence. Meatloaf came and Natalie ate only the garnish and salt, as the MEATloaf was made of....well, MEAT.  
  
Wally danced over with the check. "Here you go, David. Oh--" Wally whispered the next part to David "No charge for the sauerkraut. On the house." He winked and danced away.  
  
The check was for 3.20. David reached into his pockets.  
  
"Oh no, allow me!" Natalie scrounged around in her purse, then, with a big smile, put a huge handful of wooden buttons on the table. Then another handful. Then another. And another. And another. David couldn't figure out where all the buttons were coming from.  
  
"And!" Natalie, shoving both hands into her purse, struggled for a moment, before pulling out a large tortoise. "Slowpoke the tortoise will be Wally's tip." She nodded, petting the tortoise.  
  
"Natalie, where in the hell are you from?" David stood up, wanting to get away from that....SCARY tortoise.  
  
"OH MY GOD! THERE'S SPIDERS ALL OVER YOU!!!!!!" Natalie shrieked.  
  
"WHAT!? Where!?" David jumped around, brushing his clothing wildly.  
  
"Oh silly boy...*you* can't see them." David turned sharply. Natalie had a distant evil look in her eye, "Only *I* can see them..."  
  
"For the love of tunafish, where are you from?" David asked again. Natalie snapped out of her daze.  
  
"I was just released from Flickglod's Academy for Uncurably Insane and Detrimental Mutant Barbarians And Also Deaf, Blind and Mute Teenage Girls." Natalie smiled sweetly.  
  
"Oh, so you know Betsy?" David asked politely, sitting down again.  
"Yeah we used to share a room." Natalie picked up a large knife from the silverware, "But then the warden decided I got too dangerous..." Natalie smiled seductively, leaning so their faces were about an inch apart.  
  
"uhhhh..." David was successfully being seduced. He could not believe how beautiful she was.  
  
"Do *you* think I'm dangerous...? Hmm?" Natalie whispered softly. She held up the knife, its blade gleaming in the sunlight.  
  
David, however, COULD believe she was insane and dangerous.  
  
That's why he ran out of Tibby's like it was on fire.  
  
Natalie watched him go, then shrugged. She turned away.  
  
"Do *YOU* think I'm dangerous, Mr Slowpoke?" 


	7. Andrea

A/N-- well this is it. Last chapter. But I'm not promising happiness for Davey or anything absurd like that. Thanx for your reviews--I loved readin' em. I'm sad to see this one go. It was so much fun to write.  
  
~*~Caroline~*~  
  
PS-- Ann Valentine & Callie/Mikey-- Is it a coincedence that the girl is named Andrea Callie Valentine? I think not!!  
  
*********  
  
David ran aimlessly through the streets of Manhattan, not seeing or hearing anything. The endless streams of girls paraded through his mind--Deanie...Betsey...OLGA (David shuddered at this one)  
  
Then a single thought entered his mind. Why?   
  
Why did he do it? Why did he let every one of his friends set him up with twisted characters only Caroline the author could think of?  
  
David stopped running and looked up into the sky.  
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!????!??!!!!!" He screamed, falling to his knees in the middle of Horace Greeley square. Slowly, he got up.  
  
"I should have known that blind dating wasn't the way to go." David said aloud to himself. "Blind dating isn't for everyone, and obviously not me. I do not know where to turn. So, what can I do? What can I do?" He stopped and looked skyward for answers.  
  
"You could always seek professional help." A well-dressed young woman offered politely.  
"Or shoot summa them damn yankees!" The loony civil war veteran added, a wild gleam in his eye.  
  
"Hey, back off! You're not supposed to hear my solliloquiy!" David barked, then continued on walking.  
  
The lady and the veteran looked at each other quickly. "Oops. Sorry David." They both went back to whatever it is they were doing.  
  
David stopped short, "...How do they know my---NEVER MIND! I DON'T WANNA KNOW!" David felt like he was going insane. He pulled at his hair, screaming and stomping his feet.  
  
("And they call ME crazy..." The civil war dude muttered.)  
  
"Oh, for the love of string cheese! What is wrong with me!?" David started running pell-mell through the streets not paying any attention to where he was going.  
  
Which probably explains why he bumped into someone. Hard.  
  
More pain...  
  
Papers scattered everywhere, flying over his head and into the dirt of the cobblestone roads.  
  
"Oh, thanks a lot!" A female voice snapped with much sarcasm.  
  
"I-I'm sorry." He looked up at a girl with long gold-brown hair and blue eyes--which were annoyed at the moment.  
  
"Well, don't just stand there--help me!" The girl crawled around, desperately trying to grab her papers before they were ruined or lost.  
  
David quickly jumped to his feet, picking flying papers from the air. The girl stood up, tossing her her from her face, trying to straighten up.  
  
David handed her a messy bunch of papers, "Uh....here."  
  
She quickly yanked them from his hands. The girl groaned, "Thanks to your stupidity, my entire manuscript is out of order. I'm supposed to meet an editor in an hour and my book is as muddy and grimy as you are." She flashed a glare.  
  
"Hey," David held up his hands, "You musn't have been looking where you were going either. Otherwise you could have stepped *around* me." He folded his arms across his chest.  
  
The girl opened her mouth to argue, but then realized he was right. She looked down at the ground. "Sorry." She mumbled.  
  
David decided he just couldn't be mad at this girl. "It's okay. My name's David. And I'll help you put the book back in order over dinner, if you want."  
  
She looked up and studied his earnest face for a moment. "Alright." She replied in a softer voice, holding out her hand. "My name's--"  
  
"Andrea C. Valentine. Yeah, it says so right here on your title page." David picked a piece of paper out of the mud puddle at their feet.  
  
"Oh no..." Andrea moaned.  
"No, it's okay." David assured her, "I have paper back at my tenement. You can make a new title page."  
"Do you write too?" Andrea asked, a spark igniting in her blue eyes.  
David nodded, "Incesantly. I want to be a reporter someday."  
Andrea nodded enthusiastically, "At the Sun, maybe?"  
"Uhhh no. Denton will stalk me...." David shuddered at that thought.  
Andrea smiled sweetly.   
"So, shall we have dinner?" David asked, offered his arm.  
Andrea hooked her arm around his and they walked off together into the sunset.  
  
Maybe things would work out, after all, David thought, looking over at Andrea. He gazed at her.  
  
"What?" Andrea asked softly.  
"...You don't own a turtle named Mr Slowpoke or...lift elephants, do you?"  
Andrea laughed, "What an imagination you have!"  
  
David nodded firmly to himself. This one was a keeper. 


	8. Epilogue

EPILOGUE: WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR CRAZY CAST OF CHARACTERS.  
  
Crutchy: Competed in the "Central Manhattan One Legged Interpretive Clog Dancing Festival" and got 2nd place.  
  
Bumlets: Went on to speak MANY more times with actual words.  
  
Snipeshooter: Tragically died of lung cancer at age 15. Must have been those 25 Havanas.  
  
Sarah: Convinced that SHE was to thank for David and Andrea's relationship, and started a Blind Dating Service. She does commericials. She lies and tells everyone her new company is doing well. And this is her slogan. "2 Happy Couples Matched Since 1899. Please PLEASE give us your business."   
The first couple is David and Andrea  
  
...The 2nd is Race and Denton.  
  
Les: Actually did tried to kill off Sarah and David in their sleep. But David had a couple of melons on hand, and used them as a weapon. Les is doing time at the Refuge right now. He likes it. A lot.  
  
Olga: Still the reigning Elephant Lifting Champion of the World. Trying to get the "Human Javelin" record into the Guinness Book of World Records.  
  
Deanie/Rainbow: Led a HUUUGE protest against capitalism and the draft. Spends her carefree days handing out daisies on Central Park.  
  
Blink: Fell in love with Deanie's friend Skunk. He too went the hippie route and passes out daisies.  
  
Betsy: Is now a teacher at F'sUIDMBADBMTG Academy. She teaches Communication and Public Speaking.  
  
Natalie: Married Slowploke the Turtle. They led a happy life, setting up home in the castle in Central Park.  
  
Wally the Dancing Waiter: Waiting for his big break. Until then, he'll just serve the sauerkraut.   
  
Tibby: ...Still makin' saurekraut.   
  
Medda: Signed up for Sarah's Dating Service Singles Club. No one has called yet.  
  
Spot: Tried doing stand up comedy, but failed horribly. He just wasn't funny. So he sits home in Brooklyn all day and makes prank calls to Pulitzer's office.  
  
"Es'cuse me Mistah Pulitza...is your refridgerator runnin'?"  
"Stop calling here, you newsie!!"  
"Uh....gotta go!"  
--click--  
  
Andrea: With David's help, got her book published and is working on a new story entitled "The Girls of NYC," chronicaling David's mishaps with all these twisted girls.  
  
David: Actually didn't turn out too badly. Is very much in love with Andrea and feels like he always will be.   
  
*end*  
  
like it, love it? want to see more of David and Andrea? let me know.  
  
thanx everyone,  
Caroline =D 


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